I Wish

I wish I could tell you how much I miss you

I wish I could tell you, Mom still serves you a drink every morning

I wish I could tell you, she visits your grave twice a week

I wish I could tell you, sometimes she unconsciously calls your name in her deep sleep

I wish I could tell you, every time I dream of you the more I wanted to see you

I wish I could tell you, every time I remember you my head hurt from holding back my tears

I wish I could apologize for all the times I had let you down,

tell you that I love you,

and let you know how proud I am to be your daughter

Dad, I will never be able to tell you all of those things,

but could you possibly see that from where you are now?

©NM20

Dear Self

Dear Self,

How are you doing?

I'm sorry if sometimes you still feel small,

and I also apologize if some things didn't turn out the way you wanted to be.

I know for the past few years life has been tough and who knows it might get worse.

But life is about ups and downs. One day you're in the state of being exuberant, the next day you could feel worthless and weak. This devil will constantly hold us from walking toward our goals, you know?

I hurt you a lot whenever the ache of desperation comes into my nights. I'm aware of the dreadful effect it brings, but I barely have control of it. I'm sorry I wasnt good enough to encourage or appreciate you. 

But despite our fears, dont you notice that we've changed? Yes, we have. We have improved. We used to be a nervous wreck but look at us now. Look at where we're standing. Far from home, chasing our dreams. There were plenty of times we thought we were not capable of doing some crazy shits, but mostly it went fine.

You've done more than enough and you deserve soooo much more. So hang in there while I'm working on it.

We survived hundred times, so I know we'll be ready to whatever coming. I mean, I'm pretty sure we have to. 

Dear Self, 

you're my core and I can't lose you.

So, please bear with me for no matter how long.

LOVE, 

from grown-up me to you, my little souls.

©NM20

Been four years now.

I can't believe,
how the past 4 years went so fast,
and how I keep lingering on the thoughts of you since then.

I close my eyes for a moment,
and I could see your face crystal clear.

Even if things have changed,
in my mind you still stand on the same place,

wear the same amicable smile,
while gently caressing my lips.

you set the bar so high, you know?

no one adequate enough

to fill the void inside my soul.

how could you well it up effortlessly?

how could our little trade of mouths
take me back to my solid ground?

how could the way our naked bodies entwined
revitalized my broken bones?

it tortures me how no one could top that.

I open my eyes as I stare at the hotel ceiling,
wonder why 

with all the years that've passed by,

and all the places that I've been to,
it doesn't get any easier.

©NM20

Keruh

Ku kira kau tempat untuk berlabuh,

nyatanya kau yang membuatku tak kunjung sembuh,

bahkan bukan pilihanku untuk berpeluh,

apalagi zona favoritku adalah ketika kau jauh.

Jadi katakan sekali lagi, kau ini membawa damai atau gemuruh?

©NM20

Hard Truth

There is no greater anguish

than trying to keep going 

with a heavy heart like this,

and knowing the fact that 

the only one 

who could ease me

is nowhere to be found.

©NM20

Kamu Semesta-ku

Pernah bersama menapak, 

kemudian bergerak menikmati jarak

Sungguh tak ditakdirkan menyatu, 

tapi bumi dengan adanya kamu adalah semesta favoritku

©NM20

Why won't you let me go?

You

pull me back again,

just when I already see the light 

at the end of the tunnel.

©NM19

Sleeping

I love sleeping so much,
that's when my head stop talking to me.

©NM19

Till We Meet Again

I love you so so much Dad. It's hard to get through this crazy life without you.
I hope to see you again one day and tell you everything about it. Someday we finally get to make up the lost time. Miss you Dad!!

©NM19

But The Heart Wants What It Wants

In this cruel cruel world,
I found it too hard
to live the way
my heart wants.

©NM19

The Worst Kind

Living with you
is like
the worst kind
of way
to spend
the rest of my life

©NM19

♾💕⏪

It's been awhile
since i finally accepted
the end.
But my heart still aches
every time I think
of how we ended.
And if I could go back,
I wish I could tell you:
I stayed for so long,
not because I was weak
but because I believed
in the good person in you.
I left, not because
you stopped wanting me
but because I no longer
loved myself by loving you.

- Najwa Zebian




((Omooooo this poet is too beautiful i wish i wrote it))

A Day I Wish Had Never Happened

It has been a while since I wrote something here.
And never did once I wrote about my Dad.
Not just in this personal blog of mine.
I never wrote anything about him, anywhere.
Well, I guess I'll do it now.

Pressure and Value

You need to overcome your anxiety, pressure, and all the obstacles that block you, 

so you'll know your true value.

 ©NM16

Is it none of my business?

I wonder how you've been
Are you happy?
Is she still the one?
Are you having fun?
Is it for real, baby?

TMI Q&A

Lagi di tengah-tengah ngerjain skripsi trus seperti biasa.. mengalami kebosanan tingkat dewa. Trus liat-liat blog ada draft dengan judul Q & A, akhirnya nyari-nyari dan ketemu questions dari Tumblr, nyarinya sengaja yang TMI biar seru aja gitu hahah, okaaaay let's start!

The Intern

There's this movie that I think you'll like ♫

The Intern.

Akhirnyaaaaaaaaa kesampean juga nonton film ini!!! Haha! Better late than never, kan? Basically aku nonton film ini cuma gara-gara I'm a huge fan of Anne Hathaway sih, awalnya...dan aku tipikal orang yang nonton film ngliat dari pemain-pemainnya. Pertama kali liat covernya, I was like "Laaaah kok sama Robert De Niro sih, kan udah tua, seru ngga yaaa filmnya..". Dulu sempet pernah waktu awal-awal film ini keluar nonton 10 menit pertama doang, abis itu bosen banget, dan nggak dilanjutin.

Me vs. Garbage Cart

Tulisan ini adalah untuk menceritakan tentang pengalaman-pengalaman pahit dunia permotoran yang pernah aku alami dimana sebagian kejadian 0,5% menyakitkan, 1% mengenaskan, dan 98,5% memalukan. Tapi yang paling parah adalah nabrak gerobak sampah, that's why judulnya begitu.

Jeng-jeng!!!

Reuni SMC [Agustus 27, 2016]

Di suatu pagi yang indah.... Dua tahun kemudian... Dimana beberapa insan manusia memutuskan untuk bertemu kembali.

Weekend ini udah ku bela-belain balik ke Magelang demi ketemu sama temen-temen lama di jaman terbahagia sepanjang masa ketika kejahatan dunia perkuliahan belum menyerang, sebut saja orang-orang itu SMC Crew. Anehnya, walopun udah direncanain dari beberapa minggu sebelumnya, mereka bisa banget kelupaan..ckck aku juga hampir lupa, untung diingetin malem sebelumnya. Ada yang ngomongnya nggak bisa dateng ternyata muncul di Hari-H, yang janjinya bisa dateng malah ujung-ujungnya nggak nampak batang hidungnya. Ya begitulah, karena udah punya kesibukan sendiri-sendiri jadi susah nyatuinnya. Kalian yang baca dan udah mengalami masa-masa ini pasti ngerti lah...

Aku Bukan Harapan

"Jangan pernah menaruh harap padaku..", ku selipkan kata-kata itu di awal kita bersua. Aku bukan orang yang pantas untuk kau titipkan asa. Tak bisa dipungkiri bahwa mungkin kini kepingan hatiku jadi milikmu. Namun, kepingan itu hanyalah satu diantara puluhan yang diakibatkan oleh kehancuran di masa lalu. Apa yang akan kau lakukan jika kau tau bahwa aku juga memberikan kepingan lain kepada selain kau?